she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
