I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
