Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
