I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
