Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
