Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
