I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
