I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
