I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
