so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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