i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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