What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
