dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
