smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
my liver is dry heaving
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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