shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
