trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
