Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
