Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
