he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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