I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
