did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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