I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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