I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
