One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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