I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
