their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
