I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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