i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
