if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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