when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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