An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
