And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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