If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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