Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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