i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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