she looked like the before picture.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
