Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
