she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My balls are so social today.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
