aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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