I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
