Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
