I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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