I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
