hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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