Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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