i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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