he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
