kristin has been a bad kristin
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
