Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
