The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
