Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize