Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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