Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
