puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
