it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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