This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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