Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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