i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
