she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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