Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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