I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
