I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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