I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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