Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
