Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
