Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
