I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
