I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
