Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
