This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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