A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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