Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
