My room smells like vodka and shame
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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