can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
