i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
