Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize