guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
