Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
