The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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