you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
