bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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