weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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