My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
